Jack and Jill were on their way home from the bar one night and Jack got pulled over by the police. The officer told Jack that he was stopped because his taillight was burned out. Jack said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jill said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for Jack's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again Jack apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jill said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time Jack is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer and he said in a rather loud voice, "#$&% Jill, will you SHUT UP!"
The officer then leaned over toward Jill and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jill replied, "ONLY WHEN HE'S DRUNK."