Yankee Brew News Archive

Ask the Beer Doc

Originally Published: 06/96

By: Dr. Connard Brasseur

Dear Dr. Brasseur,

I recently took the family out to a Bruins game. After paying for tickets, parking and food I had about ten bucks left in my pocket. What do you think I did with that last ten bucks? I grabbed a couple of Shipyards in the new Fleece, I mean Fleet Center. Two beers, nine bucks and a buck tip for the bartender. After the Bruins were annihilated, we left the game with nothing but lint in our pockets. Cost me a little bit more to get a real local beer, but I gladly paid.

Jim Holle,

Buxton, Maine

Dear Jim Howler,

Yvette has been begging me to take her to the "Flea Center" to see a Bruins/Canadiens game. I didn't know what the hell she was talking about. I thought she wanted to go to a flea market or something. Whatever the name of the place, I'm glad to hear that at they have their act together with local brewers. Now if only Fenway got the message...

Dr. C.B.

Dear Dr. Brasseur,

A few friends of mine are thinking about spring turkey hunting season here in Western Massachusetts. My grandfather used to tell me about luring them with a homejug. Do wild turkeys really like homebrew?

Al D.

Lee, Massachusetts

Dear Al,

They certainly do. You need look no further that Charlie White Owl to find a bigger homejug-snatching, guzzling goddamn turkey. Seriously though, my father has told me many tales of he used homebrew to lure wild turkeys. He used to put out a pan of special brew called "Old Tom" and wait for the turkeys to arrive.

The only trouble with that was, the old man used to bring a few extra homejugs just in case the pan tipped over or something. The old fart would sit in a tree for hours just waiting for a parade of turkeys to come by and start drinking that beer. The turkeys would get stoned and then they'd get blasted--by the old man. The only problem was that after a few hours, the old man would get bored and start tossing back those extra homejugs. That was never a problem until Dexter White Owl, Charlie's father, was in the same area hunting turkeys.

Dexter was awfully proud of his turkey-calls and his traditional Penobscot Indian head dress that he used while hunting. Dexter got a little too close to the old man's tree stand one afternoon. He was purring and gobbling and talking that turkey lingo that was driving every local turkey crazy with lust. The old man is up in his tree stand when, all of a sudden, he hears every horny turkey within three miles gobbling like crazy.

The old man looks around and spots Dexter's head dress bobbing in the bushes, draws a bead on it and lets go with the old 12 gauge. Dexter was OK but his head dress got blasted right off his head. To make matters worse, the only thing left of his prized head dress was little feather stumps and smoking rawhide. He didn't talk to the old man for a couple years after that. Can't say that I blame him, either.

You can use Old Tom for luring turkeys, but I prefer to slug back a few now and again. Here's the recipe.

Old Tom

makes 5 gallons (20 homejugs)

Ingredients:

1 3# can Superbrau Light Malt Extract

1 3.3# can Munton & Fison Amber hopped Malt Extract

1 oz. Hallertauer hops

1/2 oz. Willamette hops

Irish Moss

Muntona Ale Yeast

Brewing apron (hunter orange color recommended)

Instructions:

It's turkey season and the old man's eyesight is getting worse. To avoid danger, put on hunter orange brewing apron before brewing. Next, dissolve malt extract into 1 gallon of water. Bring to boil. Add 1/2 oz. of Hallertauer hops and boil for 40 minutes. Next, add 1/2 oz. of Willamette hops and Irish moss, boil for 10 minutes. Add remaining Hallertauer hops, boil for 10 minutes and remove from heat. Add 4 gallons of bottled spring water. When beer temperature falls below 75F, pitch ale yeast. Ferment and bottle as usual. Makes 20 homejugs (enough to lure Charlie White Owl and his father Dexter, or a dozen smaller turkeys).