Hosers 12 Days of Christmas

Hosers 12 Days of Christmas

Here you have it: The 12 Days of Christmas as performed (if that is the correct word) by the McKenzie brothers in the movie Strange Brew.

Bob: Okay, good day, this is our Christmas part of the album, and you can play this at your Christmas parties, uh, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there’s nothing else to do.

Doug: Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn’t on this part!

Bob: Oh, I guarantee ya, you’d be on. Okay, so, good day, this is the Christmas part, and, we’re gonna tell you what to get, uh, your true love for Christmas.

Doug: Look out the window!

Bob: Where?! Whadda ya doing?

Doug: Snow, hosehead.

Bob: Wha? Oh, it’s the Great White North, and it’s snowing, cause it’s Christmas time. Hey, hoser!

Doug: What?

Bob: Here’s a quiz. Quiz for Doug.

Doug: Okay, I have my thinking touque on.

Bob: Yeah, right. What are the twelve days of Christmas? Cause, figure it out, right. Christmas is when?

Doug: Uh, the 25th.

Bob: Right, and what’s the 24th, Christmas Eve, right? So, that’s two. And then, what’s after that?

Doug: Um… Uh, Wrestling Day.

Bob: No. Get out.

Doug: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.

Bob: That’s three. Then what’s after that? Nothing.

Doug: New Year’s.

Bob: Four. And what’s…

Doug: New Year’s Eve.

Bob: Five. Where do you get twelve?

Doug: Uh… There’s two Saturdays and Sundays in there, that’s four. That’s nine. And, three other days, which I believe are the mystery days.

(Music starts.)

Bob: Okay now. This is our Christmas song, in case you don’t know what to get somebody for Christmas.

Doug: There’s lots of ideas in here, so, listen, and don’t get stuck.

Bob: Okay.

Doug: By the way, that’s me on the organ.

Bob: Aw, geez.

Doug: You start.

Bob: Okay. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a beer.

Doug: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer. (Okay…) On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French toast,

Doug: Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer. (Okay…)

Doug: There should be more there, eh?

Bob: Where? On the… go.

Doug: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: four pounds of backbacon,

Bob: Three French toast,

Doug: Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer.

Doug: In a tree. See, you need more.

Bob: Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: five golden touques!

Doug: Four pounds of backbacon,

Bob: Three French toast,

Doug Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer, what was it?

Together: In a tree!

Bob: Okay, on the sixth… go.

Doug: Of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six packs of Tuborg,

Bob: & BG Singers Five golden touques!

Doug: Four pounds of backbacon,

Bob: Three French toast,

Doug: Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer,

Together: In a tree!

Bob: Okay.

Doug: Okay.

Bob: On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: seven packs of smokes,

Doug: (Nice gift…) Oh, six packs of Tuborg! (BG Singers also sing “nice gift”.)

Bob & BG Singers: Five golden touques!

Doug: Four pounds of backbacon,

Bob: Three French toast,

Doug: Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer,

Together: In a tree!

Bob: Right, I keep forgetting.

Doug: Phew! This should just be the two days of Christmas, it’s too hard for us!

Bob: Um…

Doug: Go, hoser.

Bob: Oh.

Together: Eigth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Doug: Eight comic books,

All: Seven packs of smokes, six packs of Tuborg,

(Bob and Doug become unsynchronized with the BG Singers, and quit singing.)

BG Singers: Five golden touques! Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks,

All: And a beer,

Doug: On my tree!

Bob: Yeah. That beer’s empty. Okay. Day,

BG Singers: Twelve!

Bob: Uh, twelve.

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Doug: Good day, and welcome to day twelve.

BG Singers: Five golden touques!

All: Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks, and a beer, in a tree!

Bob: Beauty, eh?

Doug: Where’d you learn to do that?

Bob: Uh, albums.

Doug: Boy. So, like, that’s our song, Merry Christmas…

Bob: Merry Christmas!

Doug: And good day!

Bob: Good day, everybody. Happy New Year, too. Sheesh. Okay, you know what you left out?

Doug: What?

Bob: Donuts – I told you to get me donuts! Either on the ninth day or the tenth day, or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!

Doug: Okay, the song’s over.

Bob: But I want…

Doug: Merry Christmas, everybody!

Bob: Or on the twelfth day, you coulda got me a dozen donuts.

Doug: So, go out to the stores, and get some presents.

Bob: You coulda gone down to, like, the good donut shop, where if you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then thirteen for the thirteen days of Christmas.

Doug: Well, next Christmas, I’ll get me a chainsaw…

Bob: Take off!

Doug: Boy, that song was a beauty. It moved me…

Bob: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven…

Doug: Wha-?