Stop me if you've heard it

[HogieWan]

Q: How is having sex in a canoe similar to Macro beer?

A: They are both f*&$ing close to water!

[fretlessman71]

Is it too late to stop you now? :D

[steveh]

STOPPPPPP!

Ooops. Too late.

S.

[zoom6zoom]

The original punch line I heard (back before we had sliced bread) was:

It's two f*&$ing close to water!

Still good though.

[wortchillergoal]

That joke is as old as the crust on whom evers underwear you care to name.

[zoom6zoom]

Well, let's see if we can dig up some more, then...

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the
police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The
juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches
masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the
driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test
they're giving now!"

****

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guiness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone.
I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout
and drowned."
Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did
he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no."
"No?"
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

[zoom6zoom]

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.

When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he
had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained
that these were regular customers and had taught him to
speak in sign. The man thought that was great.

A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the
group were waving their hands around very wildly. The
bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar.

The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"