Questions Non-Brewers Ask

[MagTheGrate]

I can't count how often I've been asked:

"Do you make GOOD beer?"
Well... DUH... I wouldn't keep makeing it if it tasted like crap!

or: "You know... you can BUY beer...."

But, my all time favorite was when a co-worker asked:

"Do you put REAL alcohol in it?"

hAHAHHAahhahaha!

I actually try to keep my smart ass comments to myself, and use these questions as opportunities to educated the masses, but it can be difficult!

Anybody else have any good ones?

-Mag

[hemogoblin]

My usual one is this skeptical look, and then, "How do you make beer?"

Someone once was concerned I'd poison myself.

But people are always intrigued.

[S.F.B.]

O can't think of any at the moment. Most of the time when people find out that I brew beer they want an invitation to my house to sample it.

[ray m]

I usually get looks of interest, then they ask me if I can make Bud Light. I then tell them to get away from me.

[fuji6100]

I usually get the response "what, you make your own beer? Is that legal?"

[GunNut76]

"does it taste like crap?" No

"isn't it expensive?" No. You go out and buy a six-pack of Chimay for $2.00/ bottle.

"how long does it take?" It depends...I had a batch go from brew to bottle in 10 days, carbed up in 4.

"can you make me some bud or icehouse?" No...I don't have a local source of horse pi$$!

"is it easy?" Extract, yes 1-2 hours...mini-mash, little harder 4-6 hours...all-grain, hardest 6-8 hours.

"you know you can buy beer?" Yes, I could just as easily take a leak in a bottle too.

"can i try your beer?" Hold on, let me go and get one for ya. (be sure to grab a barleywine or your latest high-gravity brew...only if you don't like the guy tho)

That's about it for me.

[brewmonkey]

My favorite all time question was when they would ask "so when do you add the alcohol?"

I got that at least once a week.

The other as a close runner up was, "Do you have to stomp it like grapes?"

[b3s]

since most of the people i work with have basic understanding of chemistry (e.g. knowing that alcohol is formed by the fermentation of sugars), the most amusing i get is:

"so what kind of beer do you make?"

well, i just bottled a honey-wheat, i have an irish red ale going now, and am brewing a dubbel this weekend.

"um...what are those?"

beers

[kevin]

explaining to friends about WORTS get the tilted head confused look.

[Kansas Brew]

"So do you have a still in you're Garage"

"You don't put yeast in it do you. I don't like beer made with yeast."

[Fast_Eddy]

Here's the one question that you'll hear on occasion that makes it all worthwhile:

"You made this?" said in an amazed tone after trying your homebrew.

[YamahaXS]

funny thread :)

[Herb Ninja]

I'm not a brewer and these questions are just hilariously stupid to me.

When do you add the alcohol? *LOL*

"so what kind of beer do you make?"

well, i just bottled a honey-wheat, i have an irish red ale going now, and am brewing a dubbel this weekend.

"um...what are those?"

beers

*STILL LOL* I guess most people know two types, dark and light.

(be sure to grab a barleywine or your latest high-gravity brew...only if you don't like the guy tho)

Wait.... that doesn't make sense, wouldn't you give the person you like the barleywine? If you don't like barleywine ill gladly take it off your hands.

Heres one that probably gets asked though I wouldn't know.
"You make beer? why?" Its obvious by then they don't understand.

[jsmurphy]

"Does it taste like real beer"?

Depends on your definition of "real beer"...

:rolleyes:

[BucksBrew]

I get asked all the time, "Why?" and " You can go to the Beer store and buy some faster than you can make it."

When I say I make beer they look at me kinda funny like I'm a Hillbilly Moonshiner or an Alcoholic!

I then have to explain the pride of making your own beer, it's not chemically treated, no hangovers, costs less, etc.

Then they might say "A friend of mine made some beer once and it tasted like sh*t!" "Does yours taste bad?"

I usually change the subject, it's a lost cause sometimes.

Only my wife has tasted my beer. She said it was VERY Good. If I have her approval, that's all I need! haha

I took her to a Micro Brew to taste test. She liked a Coffee Stout, so I'm making a stout for us. She doesn't drink beer so I'll have to drink her half.

[brewmonkey]

Wait until you are brewing in your backyard and the neighbor calls the police/FD/Hazmat on you!

No shit there I was......

Just set up on an awesome spring morning to knock out a batch of beer. Drag all the equipment out of the garage and set up in the backyard. Get the grist ready, bring the liquor up to temp and mash in. I get mashed in and set about doing some other chores like sani up the carboy and kegs I will need, get another kettle going for the sparge when I hear sirens.

Now naturally since they are close I decide to pop up and look around to see where they are going. (I lived in a group of townhouses that were built so that all the backyards created kind of a "play area" for all the kids.) So I see one police car cruise by on the street right behind the townhouses, and the siren grows AMAZINGLY loud. Next thing I know I am straing down 3 police cars and a hazmat crew.

Stupid assed neighbor who just moved in across the back yard from me had been in the kitchen having breakfast when he saw me bringing out all the equipment. Watched me for a good hour and then decided he should call the cops because he (and this is his statement to the cops) "Thought I was making meth in my backyard."


Cops nearly died from the laughter and stupidity of this dumbass. One of the officers is a fellow brewer and knows me. So they explain to this guy what is going on and that he is pretty much the stupidest person on the planet. They pack up and leave, and I finish my brew.

Next day I head out back to do some cellar work. I have the garage door open when the moron shows up. I figure he is going to appologize or something, but instead starts asking me a bunch of questions, which is topped off by him then asking "Can I try one of your beers?". I about lost it, but maintaining my calm I politely tell him to get the fuck out of my yard.

He never really bothered me after that....

[YamahaXS]

LOL! meth in the backyard... i think you neighbor had been hitting the meth himself.

[ray m]

Awesome story, Brewmonkey!! And what better way to end that little fiasco by telling the "straw that stirred the drink" to fuck off!!!!

Drink hearty!!!!

[Wilson]

That's hilarious! I could actually see the cops where I from still arresting me, not knowing that what I'm doing is legal.

Had a friend tell me today, to watch out and not blow up my apartment.

[paul84043]

I'm with Fuji and Bucks, the most common comments I get are "is it legal?" and "a friend of my second cousins sisters ex-husbands neice once made it and it tasted like crap."

The runner up is "what kind" typically followed by a dissertation on how nasty "dark beers" are.

I just wish I could see the looks on thier faces after taking a long swig of one of my (ass kickin') belgian ales.....hooo baby!!! What? It's light isn't it????
Yeah, so's light Rum.....

I actually have a couple of people teetering on the verge of converting. I just need to bide my time and invite them over to brew on the right day.

I ordered a "Petes (wicked) Signature Pilsner" clone from AHS, I think that would be a very good, mild smelling starter beer.
Probably damn good drinking too I'm thinking.

[Herb Ninja]

I about lost it, but maintaining my calm I politely tell him to get the fuck out of my yard.

Classic story. I would have told em to get the fuck off my yard too. No way does he deserve to taste your fine brew after calling the cops on you, fuggin moron. That guy deserves to get a coors poured on his head and then shot in the foot. Idiocy knows no bounds, he should have had to pay a thousand dollar fine for wasting police time.

[kevin]

Originally posted by paul84043
The runner up is "what kind" typically followed by a dissertation on how nasty "dark beers" are.



"I don't like dark beers is my number one peeve!"

If I hear that then it's over, I'll say something like well then you won't like my amber or pale ale it's probably to dark for you.

[b3s]

i have to agree with paul...totally annoys me when they say their brother's sister-in-law's cousin's dog's father's barber's aunt's son once brewed a beer and it tasted terrible.

i just kind of chuckle and comment wow, you've got 8 degrees of seperation between you and the president of budweiser, that amazes me ;)

[barley ben]

I had a guy I work with that asked me if there was yeast in the bottom. He then told me he didn't like beer with it in the bottle. When I told him you don't pour it into the glass, he looked at me amazed and told me he had a homebrew years back with like a half inch of sediment and drank it straight from the bottle. Can't figure out why he didn't like it!

Not as exciting as brewmonkey's story but worth mentioning...About a month back the fire marshal inspected my apartment and when he walked into my spare room(fermenting room) he had quite an odd look on his face. I guess it didn't help that my carboys were both bubbling away and they have big poison stickers on them that I aquired from the trucking company I work for. He just kinda turned and walked out. Cops never came so I guess he didn't find it to be a fire hazzard!!!

[paul84043]

I wish we didn't have to hide everything from the in-laws. One of these days....
My wife is very sensetive about what her parents think.

Brewing is such a cool hobby, I'd have the fermenters right in the living room if I could get away with it...

I guess I've built up a tolerance (appreciation?) for the stuff in the bottom because for one, it's never enough to even really worry about, and two, I pour it into the glass anyway.

It's fun to see peoples faces when you swirl it all in when pouring a Hefeweizen. That's typically followed by trying to explain to them that even Hefe from a pub is inverted before being tapped into...one of the main reasons that Hefeweizen from a bottle will taste very different than that from a tap, or a homebrew.

[b3s]

heh, i'm reminded of when a buddy from back home was out here in august. he was drinking one of my wheats, and he said "bleah, last drink was very bitter"...i thought he was gonna go green when i told him that he just chugged a mouthful of yeast :D

[briandickens]

Bucksbrew said: I then have to explain the pride of making your own beer, it's not chemically treated, no hangovers, costs less, etc.

Tell that to the honey ale I made and then let sit in the bottle for a few months. I think it (and my headache amongst other things) would disagree. :)

[paul84043]

Well...it IS still alcohol...
you're headache was probably dehydration.
I try (unsuccessfully) to drink a galss of water between each beer I drink, then take a few ibuprofen and another few swigs of water before bed. That does the trick 99% of the time.

The other 1% is a real bitch.

[BucksBrew]

Originally posted by paul84043
Well...it IS still alcohol...
you're headache was probably dehydration.
I try (unsuccessfully) to drink a galss of water between each beer I drink, then take a few ibuprofen and another few swigs of water before bed. That does the trick 99% of the time.

The other 1% is a real bitch.

Doesn't Ibuprofen cause Liver damage if you consume more than 2-3 drinks a day? Or is it another headache pill that does this.

I seem to remember having a tough choice when taking a pill for any aches or pains.......?????

[BucksBrew]

Originally posted by briandickens
Tell that to the honey ale I made and then let sit in the bottle for a few months. I think it (and my headache amongst other things) would disagree. :)

Cost wise if you bought the same style and quality beer at the Liquor store it would cost more, IMO.

I like high quality beers and typically pay at least $28-40 bucks a case around here. If I travel to a Beer Warehouse I could save money, but only if I bought 5-8 cases to account for the time and gas!

[paul84043]

Doesn't Ibuprofen cause Liver damage if you consume more than 2-3 drinks a day? Or is it another headache pill that does this.

I hadn't heard that....if it's true, then I'd better change my methods!!

Maybe I should ask around some more...

I still think the water is one of the best things you can do to avoid a hangover headache.

[BucksBrew]

Originally posted by paul84043
I hadn't heard that....if it's true, then I'd better change my methods!!

Maybe I should ask around some more...

I still think the water is one of the best things you can do to avoid a hangover headache.

Read the label, they just started putting it on there.

I've been drinking for 20 years and this has not come up until the last year or so.

[mmmBeer...]

Originally posted by BucksBrew
Doesn't Ibuprofen cause Liver damage if you consume more than 2-3 drinks a day? Or is it another headache pill that does this.

I seem to remember having a tough choice when taking a pill for any aches or pains.......?????

Tylenol is the big no-no when drinking; it can cause liver damage when mixed with alcohol. My dad swears by aspirin for hangovers…I use ibuprofen as well.

[chazwicke]

This thread is halarious. Funny stories. Although I have not brewed for a long time, I still remember a lot of those questions.

[snakesandstuff]

Originally posted by paul84043
Well...it IS still alcohol...
you're headache was probably dehydration.
I try (unsuccessfully) to drink a galss of water between each beer I drink, then take a few ibuprofen and another few swigs of water before bed. That does the trick 99% of the time.

The other 1% is a real bitch.

I just drink and drink and drink, but I don't think I've ever had a hangover. My friends hate me for it. Anyone else have the same thing happen to them?

[briandickens]

well, when i do have a hangover, i pop a few Vitamin I before bed and then sleep through the hangover. That works well as long as I can afford the time to sleep through it.

[paul84043]

I hate people like you.

One of my Ex's was like that....pissed me off to no end!

It's just not fair.

:D

[BucksBrew]

My main concern with my drinking is my Liver!

I just started taking a chinese Herb that detoxifies the Liver!

Larry Hagman said he was never Drunk, but he wore his out!

[briandickens]

Did the requisite 2 minutes of research and found most references to ibuprofen liver damage on sites relating to Hepatitis C. And one site said that between aspirin, acetominaphen, and ibuprofen, ibuprofen is the least damaging to your liver.

of course, i'm no doctor. i wonder what is worse for your liver, ibuprofen or alcohol.

[snakesandstuff]

Originally posted by BucksBrew
My main concern with my drinking is my Liver!

I just started taking a chinese Herb that detoxifies the Liver!

Larry Hagman said he was never Drunk, but he wore his out!

Off topic for this thread, but this brings up the topic of how much is too much??? Is 3-4 drinks a night to much??? 7 drinks??? When is it too much?

[chazwicke]

Originally posted by snakesandstuff
Off topic for this thread, but this brings up the topic of how much is too much??? Is 3-4 drinks a night to much??? 7 drinks??? When is it too much?

Interesting question. You should start a new thread. My drinking probably averages out to 1 or 2 a day. But many days I will have none and sometimes I will have several. ( Such as on my camping trip earlier this week.)

[BucksBrew]

Originally posted by snakesandstuff
Off topic for this thread, but this brings up the topic of how much is too much??? Is 3-4 drinks a night to much??? 7 drinks??? When is it too much?

I thought two is ideal.

I read the Liver can handle one drink per hour without problems.

When I want to drink at home, 4-9 beers, 20oz.

Tailgating at an Eagles game, 8-12 easy......

[snakesandstuff]

I probably average around 2 a day or so. The most I drink in a night is 20-25 (which might only be a few times a year). I don't go overboard often, and I'm still young, so hopefully I'll be alright in the long run. Probably more likely to have long term problems from snake venom than from alcohol :-)

[ron]

Originally posted by snakesandstuff
I just drink and drink and drink, but I don't think I've ever had a hangover. My friends hate me for it. Anyone else have the same thing happen to them?

The only hangovers I've ever had was from Alaskan Amber. It was such a great beer that I just kept drinking and drinking...The next two days (Labor Day weekend, 1996) made me pray for death.

I figured it was a fluke, so I did the same thing the next Friday and paid in the same way Saturday and Sunday...

Great-tasting beer, though. Any thoughts on why this might have happened?

[chazwicke]

I have had this beer in Juneau at the brewery. I also managed to scarf up some of the elusive smoked porter last year. They make fine beer. Not sure why you had the hangover though.

[ron]

I never had the porter and, quite honestly, became a little gun-shy concerning their beer after those two episodes.

I'd give it another try, in smaller quantities, but I've never seen it for sale down here, so it will likely be a long time until my next.

[Richard English]

Obviously an enthusiast for Bud Lite!

[ron]

Originally posted by Richard English
Obviously an enthusiast for Bud Lite!

I was amused at the shock of drinkers when they had to pay import beer prices for Budweiser in the Philippines. Har!

Red Horse is made with formaldahyde (sp?), but it goes down smooth...

Lots of little breweries in the Philippines; they like beer and spirits.

[Herb Ninja]

Originally posted by ron

Red Horse is made with formaldahyde (sp?), but it goes down smooth...

Formaldehyde just because you wanted to know. Very close, change the da to de. :)

[OldHooky]

Someone asked me yesterday "Can you duplicate Miller Lite?" I said very seriously, "It's very difficult to duplicate because it takes 6 people to brew." She was amazed. "Why so many?" I said "1 guy to brew and the other five to pee into the brewpot." Got a good laugh.

[fuji6100]

of course, i'm no doctor. i wonder what is worse for your liver, ibuprofen or alcohol

I'm a Trauma Nurse, So I'll step in here.

Ibuprofen is very safe for the liver. It is just a major stomach irritant and can cause ulcers if overused.

Tylenol is toxic to the liver, so over using it or using it in conjunction with excess of alcohol isn't good.

Asprin thins your blood, but so does alcohol to some degree.

Therefore, ibuprofen is the best hangover NSAID of the 3 (non-steroidal-anti-inflammatory-drug)

[brewmonkey]

And then there are those of us who cannot take NSAID's due to bone fusion (L5/S1 Spondylolisthesis/Spondylolisis). :rolleyes:

However, I can say that after a few 120 Minute's I don't really feel the back anymore.......

[davesarman]

Whenever I convince someone to try one of my homebrews for the first time, I give them a "Welcome to the World of Homebrew" sheet that I developed that addresses many of these questions and also gives reasons why this beer is better than beer they are probably used to. I also write a paragraph or two for the specific beer that I am giving them, so if it's the first time they've ever had a dopplebock, for example, they know what to expect and how it should taste and how to serve it. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback from that, they've found it very helpful. And in one instace when I gave some beer out to my regular "distribution list" and didn't include one of those sheets, many people asked where it was. It only took about 15 minutes to develop and only takes about 5 or so to update for the specific beer. I think it's worthwhile and has helped educate and turn macro beer drinkers into quality beer drinkers. If anyone wants to see a sample of it, send me a message and I'll email you a copy.

[bigmf]

I think many would be interested inm reading your information sheet. If you are comfortable with sharing it you should copy and paste it into a message in this forum. If not I would like to read a copy through e-mail.


M.

[davesarman]

OK, here it is. Keep in mind the audience that I wrote this for, the novice beer drinker who is willing to try something different. For that reason I wanted to keep it simple and not get too technical or complicated. Most of the readers here will find these things obvious, but newbies often don't. I will sometimes get more in depth questions after someone reads this, which I take as a good sign. If I have any discrepencies or errors in here, I apologize. Also some things in here are more opinion than fact, so I'm not intending to start a debate with this. And since I'm not a professional copywriter, there are probably better ways to present what I have. That being said, here it is: (the format might not paste quite right fromt the Word document to here, so keep that in mind if it looks a little sloppy)

Welcome to the world of Home Brewed Beer!

To help you enjoy this beer more thoroughly, here are a few things you should know:

· Homebrewed beer is bottle conditioned, which means there is yeast in the bottle. Yeast is what makes alcohol and carbon dioxide in beer. That stuff at the bottom of the bottle is yeast. It’s ok, it’s supposed to be there. There are two ways to carbonate beer. The big brewers filter out the yeast and infuse carbon dioxide when they bottle or can their beer. Home brewers can’t afford the equipment to do that, so we have to rely on the yeast to carbonate the beer in the bottle.

· Homebrewed beer is better enjoyed when poured into a glass. Of course you can drink from the bottle, there’s no crime in that. But by pouring into a glass, you get more enjoyment out of the beer: you can see the color, the carbonation, the head, smell the aroma, etc. By pouring into a glass you can also leave the yeast in the bottle by leaving a ¼” or so of beer in the bottle or you can pour it in the beer and drink it. The yeast won’t hurt you, in fact it has some beneficial nutrients in it and it also gives the beer a different flavor that some people prefer. I actually prefer to pour the yeast into the glass with some beers. It makes the beer a little cloudy, but gives a much more intense taste.

· Since the beer is “conditioning” or carbonating in the bottle, a few tips on storage might be helpful. Always store the beer upright. Don’t slosh it around too much if possible. If you find that the beer does not have enough carbonation or seems “flat”, store the beer in a cool (not cold) place. In the basement is always a good place. Make sure it is protected from light as that can change the taste of the beer in a hurry, and not for the better. The colder a beer is, the less carbonation is released, along with less flavor and aroma. For this reason, don’t pour beer into a chilled glass!

· Since this beer is “alive”, it will change in taste over time. That is ok and normal. If you find that the beer is good but starting to change, drink up! If you find the beer is not quite what you want, wait a week and try it again.

A few notes on this specific beer – Maibock

· This is a German beer that is a variation on the traditional German Bock beer. Traditional bock is dark in color. Maibock is lighter in color, my version is reddish in color, but they can vary from gold to deep amber.

· Maibock is traditionally brewed in the winter months for consumption in the Spring. Usually around the month of May, hence the name Maibock. As with other bocks, this is a strong, malty beer. This beer is around 5-6% alcohol content.

· This beer’s aroma is malty and somewhat fruity.

· This type of beer is best served cold, right from the fridge.

· The color should be reddish The aroma should be malty and fruity. There should be a medium to light carbonation and a medium creamy head. The taste should be malty sweet, but somewhat crisp, smooth and drinkable. This beer will go well with food from the grill.


ENJOY!

[GunNut76]

Was told, yes I said TOLD, that I should not , under ANY circumstances, drink green beer! When I asked what he ment he got a real serious look in his eyes and said "It could poison you!"...I had to stifle my laughter as he continued "...it is really, really dagerous!" I decided not to tell him that I sample the beer at each transfer.

[davesarman]

Maybe he meant the tripe that is served on St. Patrick's Day? :p

[mrwaz]

Upon trying to introduce my Bud-Lite drinking co-workers to a rather mild Honey Ale, my biggest response was,

"No thanks I have to drive home and I know just one of those will really mess me up."

They then proceeded to down a case of Bud-Lite each. The other response was:

"I want a beer that I can taste, not chew."


On the topic of Homebrew/Micro-Brew challenged.. I went out to dinner with my wife to someplace other than a Brew Pub (first mistake) and asked what Micro-Brews they had. The watresses response was..... Rolling Rock, Mic. Ultra, ... I cut her off at that point and ordered a Coke.

[badogg]

I haven't had any real dumb ones. I did get caught off guard though by a family member. When I told him that I was brewing beer, he asked "Bottom or Top Fermenting". I was like whoa, I really don't know. LOL

I still don't know, I just know that I pitch my yeast watch the yeast have an orgy, the rest is history.. LOL

[briandickens]

Ale yeast is top fermenting.
Lager yeast is bottom fermenting.

(please let it be as simple as that.)

Anyway, now you know and now you can answer him. :)

[Jughead]

Is it that simple? Or is the ale on top lager on the bottom more of a guideline than a rule?

[b3s]

pretty much that simple...that difference is what yields the difference in the flavors...ale yeasts yielding more fruit esters in flavor and fermenting at higher temperatures and lager yeasts yielding deeper malt tones and fermenting at lower temps is mostly a by-product of that primary difference from what i can tell. i'm sure there is more science to it than that, tho :)

[PCaravan]

The most common ones I get is "Is it legal?" and "So you have a still in your garage?"

The worst I here are not even questions really and they all come from my boss. My work takes me traveling regularly with my boss who does actually know that I make my own beer at home though he has never tried it.

He likes to go on and on about things he really knows nothing about like he's an expert. Beer is one of those things. He's so convinced that what he's saying is the absolute truth it seems as though I might offend him if I correct him so I don't correct him.

Here are some of the things I've heard him say that I can remember right off hand though there has been many more:

"Budwieser is better on tap because they leave a little yeast
in the keg."

"Coors has the best water for brewing in the world."

"The FDA requires ALL beers sold in the United States to have
chemical preservatives." (His point here was that imported
beers (and American beers sold abroad for that matter)
always taste better in other countries where the chemical
preservatives aren't required.)

On the last trip, while I sat there sipping my Guinness and he was drinking a whisky and water he asked "What does Guinness taste like?" I told him if he likes Bud and Coors to not even bother.

[Stodbrew]

I think you should start calling him Cliff Claven. :D

[Richard English]

It's very difficult in such situations since you don't want to alienate your boss. However, there is a trick that might work, especially on him.

Flattery. It's usually a winner with anyone and your boss, since it's clear he likes to consider himself something of an expert, will be doubly susceptable.

Say something like. "...You know a bit about beer - what do you think of this one..." and give him a glass of something nice but not too extreme (I'd be inclined to avoid Guinness at first since it does take a bit of getting used to). As he's probably a lager drinker, try him with a glass of real Budweiser (Czechvar in the USA). Even if he claims not to like it his taste buds will have been subjected to a flavoursome drink and, when he next drinks chemical fizz, will remind him of what real beer tastes like.

Before long he will want to try other decent beers and will soon proclaim himself an expert on them. You, of course, can just let him buy!

Incidentally his point that "...The FDA requires ALL beers sold in the United States to have chemical preservatives..." could if you are so inclined, easily be disproved. If there were preservatives in them, how could bottle-conditioned beers continue to ferment - the preservatives would kill the yeast!

[Salpta]

My biggest gripe is when people ask "so you like the weird stuff like ales and lagers?"

I almost said something yesterday while i was checking out, as a matter of fact. See, i'm between batchs so i picked up a couple 6'ers of the local microbrew (Palmetto from Charleston, SC). When the casheer rang it up she said "Palmetto Amber Ale" then turned to her girlfriend and said "i bet Bill would like this, he's into the weird beer like ales and lagers and stuff"

All i could do was smile to keep from laughing, pick up my beer, and walk out thinking i'd like to meet her friend bill. :)

[Richard English]

Quote "...so you like the weird stuff like ales and lagers...

So it ales and lagers are weird, what's normal, do you think?

BTW, the next time you're there. why don't you get her friend Bill's number? Then you could meet up, have a few pints and maybe start a CAMRA branch!

[HarkJohnny]

excellent, excellent thread! many fine suggestions, tips and overall funny scenarios.

davesarman: what a killer idea... i plan to do something similar to your handout idea.

I have yet to have anyone ask me something really dumb, but i know where to share it when it happens, and I'm sure it will.

[PCaravan]

First off I can't remember who or what Cliff Claven is though it sounds familiar

Next weekend I'll be making a Pre-Prohibition Classic American Pilsner. If it turns out the way I want it I may bring some and let him try it... I'll pour though. He can be such a snob with his drinking habbits that knowing any type of sludge is in the bottom of the bottle will keep him from trying it.

I've been using a handout like that ever since I started brewing. But I still only give out beer to those I know like to drink beer that doesn't come from or resemble BudMillerCoors.

[Stodbrew]

Originally posted by PCaravan
[B]First off I can't remember who or what Cliff Claven is though it sounds familiar



From Cheers.

[chazwicke]

Originally posted by Stodbrew
I think you should start calling him Cliff Claven. :D

Classic!

[thewiz]

The recent classic was "you better be careful, I just saw something on TV that said homebrewing can kill you"

[PCaravan]

OH... yes... JUST like him except he's the general manager of a regional company!

[laneto]

Buffalo Theory

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo
Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest & weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed & health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

[PCaravan]

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers

Well said Cliff!!!

[Beerconnoisseur]

Was talking with one of the girls at work the other night; her words basically were:

"I don't like the taste of beer. Does the beer you brew actually taste good?"

My response: "No. It tastes terrible."

What else could I say? It will make you want to wash your mouth out with mass-produced swill? :D

[SoxyinMO]

This is a kind of round-the-back, rhetorical question we got at Christmas.

My husband told his mom (a mormon) that we had gotten some equipment and were going to start brewing in earnest down in our basement. She told him that his sister makes wine in her basement and then said:

"I guess I didn't raise Mormons, did I?"

Nope, Mom, ya didn't.

[Lamprey]

A friend of mine gave me some cascade roots (rhinsomes?). I built a structure for them to grow up out behind the garage. My folks came to visit and I was so excited to show them the hops. My mom asked "is that leagal?". I asked her not to tell anyone. HA!

[PCaravan]

Damn... if people thought before they spoke there'd be nobody to laugh at!

[chazwicke]

Originally posted by laneto
Buffalo Theory

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo
Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest & weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed & health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."


I liked when Cliff took a trip to Florida and in subsequent episodes he pontificated about Florida. He became an "expert" on the subject.

[Tweek]

I love the buffalo theory. It is one to live by!

[crashbobo]

Last week I told a girl at school that I brewed beer at home. She got surprised look on her face and asked me, "Are you from the country?" I told her that I was and I also pay for college by running White Lightening on the weekends. Sometimes I just can't help but be a smartass :D

[PCaravan]

Boy! I hope she realized how stupid that really was! I usually just laugh off the stupid questions but that one is a little offensive... or am I missinterpreting?

[crashbobo]

Nah it wasn't offensive to me because I know I'm a redneck anyways :) The stupidity of people is one thing that I've learned to count on. It is amazing to me how stupid some of the people are even in college. I just have to stop and wonder...how did you make it this far?

Another fun story. A friend of mine was talking about his dad growing corn. A girl came up and said, "Wow, you grow corn in your back yard? So you can just go out and pick some off the tree and eat it right there?" We laughed so hard.

[sallad]

i was at a pizzeria uno with a house beer, an american amber ale. (turns out its contract brewed by boston beer co.) i asked the waitress if its any good (i was asking for it, i know), and she says, "yeah, its like a lager i think."

i contained my laughter and ordered one anyway. nothing like a lager, but everything like an amber ale - light bodied and well balanced with a big cascade flavor!

[unkle bik]

Why do all the knuckleheads think that the only reason you make your own beer is to make "the strong stuff?"

[Caffinehog]

"Is it as good as (bud/miller/coors)?"
"Is it safe to drink?"

I also love the question, "Why would you pay ($1/$5/$12) for a bottle of beer?" Then they look at me laugh, and shake their head like I'm stupid. I shoot the same expression back.
One time, when that happened, I ran into the same guy at the checkout, and he was carrying the exact same bottles I was... Usually they don't catch on, though.

[unkle bik]

"You better keep that under cover."
"Beer making is illegal, isn't it?"

[Crna_Ruka]

Originally posted by paul84043
I hadn't heard that....if it's true, then I'd better change my methods!!

Maybe I should ask around some more...

I still think the water is one of the best things you can do to avoid a hangover headache.

Mama told me it was Acetominophen, don't know if it's true. she told me several times.

[stronk]

Necromancy! (You're 15 months late) ;)

[HogieWan]

Thanks for reviving this thread - I had not seen it. Great quotes in here.

My fiancee's grandfather tried a bit of my homebrew the other day before making the comment about it being illegal. He also said it tasted "strong." It was 5.2%, but it did have hops in it, I don't think he's used to that.

[bruin_ale]

Yeah, I've read tons of old threads by searching for various things, but this one is a new one for me.

My wife's sister always tells people we have a still in our garage. The addition of a giant chest freezer for fermentation only made it more difficult to convince her that I don't.

[HarkJohnny]

Poker night was last night and so this month i was hosting. I had about half a keg of a RyeIPA and a full keg of an Amber I made in early June.

One of the guys who drinks decent beer on a regular basis asked "is it safe to drink? It's not gonna kill me is it?" quite hilarious.

received good comments from everyone who tried it and most all are crud light drinkers. :)

[chazwicke]

I miss the old poker nights. Our games are now few and far between.

[neldor19]

When I decided to go all grain about a year ago I started buying and assembling the equipment I needed which included a a keg converted by myself.My wife asked me at least half a dozen times "Are you sure this is legal?"Of course she had been informed otherwise by a couple of her know it all freinds.I finally convinced her that all was well.The very next night after at least two hours of convincing the day before,we were sitting there watching America's Most Wanted.Of course,they busted a guy with a still which was made with converted kegs.I quick looked over knowing she was on the phone hoping she hadnt noticed.There she sat,on the phone with her know it all freind(who was also watch AMW at her house),staring at the T.V.,eyes as big as eggs.*sigh*After being called many things I wouldnt dare repeat here,I got her on the phone with her Dad who assured her everything I was doing was legal.I dont think she really believed it was legal until I took her to a brew compitition at the state fair a few weeks later.
All is well now as long as I keep my stinky hobby in the backyard

;)

[brewmonkey]

I am not going to go through the whole thread so perhaps someone who has can remind me, is this the thread with my story on the neighbor calling the cops and Hazmat on me for brewing in the common area driveway?

[bruin_ale]

Yep, that story is in this thread.. funny that a story you told two years ago has now been revived.

[HogieWan]

I remember you making mention of it before but never read the original post. GREAT stuff!

[eyepah]

When I sampled out a Sout it was exclaimed: "So You must be Irish!"

I said "No, 100% German."

"Well, why dont you make Bud-WEISSE-er"

I replied, "I just cant."

[eyepah]

Another story:

A hippy friend of friend had a porter home brew of mine.

He was certain that I was a monk in a past life.

I absolved him of all his alcohol related sins.

[cluckk]

Actually I get very few questions from my friends about my homebrewing. I pastor a small house church, so a few of us usually have a couple of my brews after church. They see my equipment and know its good and so unlike the wizz water made by AB. Actually a few of them have taken to drinking a better quality of beer. Deschutes Brewery is close and very available here, and they have a pretty good selection--I like their Black Butte Porter.

As for the other friends, I support myself as a Corrections Officer in a local prison so "is it Legal" is seldom brought up--I wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't. Usually the people at work just want to know its not the same quality as prison pruno. That is some real bad brewing.

Many will ask what kind of beer I brew and I tell them I usually like them dark and full bodied--nothing Lite in my house. Many will try to tell me that they don't like beer, and I tell them they have not tried enough to know any better. Making a decision about beer in general from drinking bud/coors/miller/et. al. is like tasting one old dry burnt steak and saying "I don't like red meat."

[HogieWan]

Originally posted by cluckk
Making a decision about beer in general from drinking bud/coors/miller/et. al. is like tasting one old dry burnt steak and saying "I don't like red meat."

good quotable

[chazwicke]

Yep, I like that analogy too.

[Richard English]

Quote ",,,Many will try to tell me that they don't like beer, and I tell them they have not tried enough to know any better...."

Here, here.

I have an American friend who proffessed not to like beer and that was more or less what I said. That friend is now one of the greatest apologists for fine beer that I know!

[PCaravan]

That really was me until someone handed me a pint of Guiness draft. Until then it was all BMC products. People here tend to think that IS pretty much what beer IS.

[HogieWan]

Originally posted by PCaravan
That really was me until someone handed me a pint of Guiness draft. Until then it was all BMC products. People here tend to think that IS pretty much what beer IS.

Same here except the beer was Paulaner HefeWeisen - took me forever to remember how to pronounce HefeWeisen